Audience

Who would have guessed that the most educational part of my week would take place at my cousin's wedding? It was a gorgeous and decadent affair with orchid's flowing over the rims of silver bowls, pink feather bouquets, Cava everywhere and a dessert feast that would tempt even the stricktest of dieters.

For me, however, the heart of any celebration is revealed in the speeches. The groom's father, known in our family as "Uncle Bruce" is the most accomplished of speakers. A career as a Chartered Accountant, and a longstanding President of numerous boards, his experience shows with the ease in which he presents. His speeches are by the book and yet they transend rules. The result is personal, touching, and revealing. My professional ear was keenly attuned to the nuances, while my heart was open and moved by the weight of such an important speech.

What can we steal from Uncle Bruce? The key to this particular speech was his use of audience. He began speaking to the wider group that consisted of strangers and family alike, bringing us all into a common understanding of his relationship with his son and daughter-in-law. Then he gradually transitioned into speaking to the groomsmen, many of whom he had known for thirty years. This transition allowed him to reveal a different side of his son's character, he even referred to a pivotal event in their lives that he could not describe in detail. Naming this "secret" honoured the many parts of our lives we do not discuss in public that have an important impact on the development of our character. The groomsmen were visibly affected by this reference and we, as an audience, were invited in to a more intimate relationship.

His final transition was perhaps the closest to his heart, as he addressed the parents of his new daugther-in-law. He recalled his own experience watching his daughter get married over ten years ago. He spoke with great empathy and specificity recalling his own feelings of joy, trepidation, and hope. It was with great care and sensitivity that he welcomed this couple into his family and vowed to care for their daughter, as he would his own.

Uncle Bruce's daughter, Leanne, unused to speaking in public, also got up to deliver a wonderful speech. As I complimented her at the end of the night, she resisted accepting such words. I wanted to say, "To me anything heartfelt, meaningful, brave and personal is better than all the well-polished words of a well-crafted speech."

So go ahead, be brave and speak from your heart. If you need help knowing where to start, begin with your audience and trust that knowing who you are talking to will also reveal what it is you want to say.